When we feel deprived inside we feel easily threatened when resources appear limited and we naturally want to compete, fight and kill to ensure our future needs are met (possible cause of xenophobia etc). If we don’t run the deprived child programme much we probably won’t know what destitution really feels like, or believe in it for that matter. We are therefore likely not to manifest lack in our lives. We know how to live creatively and abundantly as a result. I suppose we only create destitution in our lives when we
believe the programmes of lack, destitution and deprivation, even unconsciously, and make them real. Hence it feels important to look at the deprived child (that righteously feels entitled for compensation) inside ourselves because it appears to be a main player in a lot of unrest in the world currently...
My partner and I have been working a square on this...
Desire to be deprived
To have the experience of lack and destitution, abandonment, neglect; to believe that I am the wrong doer; as a form of self-punishment/self-flagellation/self-recrimination; to feel entitled and righteous about receiving compensation – by being angry, bold assertive, overly confident, strong, intimidating, loud, attention seeking (imposing my presence on others), in your face, over the top, hectic, greedy, grasping, grabbing, stingy, withholding, selfish, self-centred, conceited, inconsiderate, disrespectful, dishonouring, destructive, angry, doing everything in my power to get my needs or perceived needs met at all costs, feeling entitled to compensation however it may look – buying into all ego wants and desires – being fed by consumerism – if I feel down I can remedy that by spending a day at the mall mentality; an excuse to hoard my stuff and never give anything away,
To be the poor victim; to moan and complain; to pull at the heart strings of saviours looking for action – thus to be pitied, be loved, cared for, compensated; people will generally feel more sorry for you and like you more if you are deprived rather than satisfied
To lead a strict and austere life for spiritual advancement – to suffer and ennoble myself through suffering; to put myself through renunciation in order to wake up (vows of celibacy, poverty), to clear my attachments and addictions; self-punishment; for purity; As an excuse to act out deepest darkest ego – rage, hate, killer instinct etc whilst fulfilling my needs at all costs; to validate survival of the fittest theory To see how much I can do without, and how little I actually need to survive – becomes a game – like the anorexic who starves herself to see how thin she can get and still survive; getting tired of the game and choosing to deprive myself to death
To be motivated to get things done
To not have to feel shame or undeserving feelings associated with actually owning a lot of stuff
For drama; because I’m addicted to suffering, deprivation is a familiar state
To choose the hard life; because as a child I was told I was spoilt that I can’t bear to be labelled a spoilt adult; to not be criticised or rejected for having my needs met – to be loved and accepted
To struggle with a mediocre salary
To be lazy
Because I am scared of a challenge (it’s easier to rather deprive myself than stretch myself); out of a lack of belief in myself (because no-one believed in me as a child, I believe I am stuck with my limitations); out of insecurity and lack of self-confidence I cannot possibly aspire to reaching my full potential; because I believe that: I’m inadequate, inferior, easily intimidated, I lack skills or am in denial of my skills, am worthless, a failure, good for nothing, hopeless, pathetic, inferior; because of all these negative beliefs about myself I do not believe I can live creatively and abundantly and thus manifest a mediocre life for myself where I live in deprivation
Because I am disconnected from my own sense of inspiration; because I don’t have any good ideas to make a break for myself
It’s safer because people are less threatened by me Out of fear of my own success, brilliance, light
Fear of being deprived
[What I see here is that deprivation can exist on many levels – on the level where food and shelter is denied and survival is seriously threatened or on a more subtle note. For example, I may be denied good company one evening if my friends cancel plans, or I may be denied a learning experience by missing out on a session with a spiritual teacher/Leslie, or if I can’t get hold of something “nice” to eat and land up snacking on something less satisfying – all these experiences have the power to remind me of my inner deprivation...]
